On Friday morning we said goodbye to a family member, one that came to us by chance 12 1/2 years ago. It was as if he was chosen just for us and looking back, I KNOW that we were chosen just for him. Had either end of that communion not happened, none of us would be who we are today. Duke of Waterford Court was his paper name. Dukas Sebastian Wesley of Waterford Court was his given name. (I would love to hear McKenna hollering that out the backdoor right now. For he was always the one to fiddle fart. Which brings up one of his endearing nicknames, King of the fiddle farts.) He was also referred to as bubba, our firstborn, buddah, hog gut, and lemon. He had his share of faults, but those became the things that we loved about him most. He has been everywhere with us. And he was always up for another move. As long as we were together, he was fine. (And we were too.) I guess that is really what family is all about.
Those who know me, know that my boys are very much a part of my heart. They are more than animals to me and probably the reason why I didn't have a desire to be a Mom. I WAS a Mom. A Mom to a couple of sweet schnauzers. And I was not ready to send one to Jesus.
This wasn't an overnight occurance. (Thank you, Lord. You knew I needed some time to ease myself into this absence.) I told Duke several months ago, during one of our snuggle sessions, that he was going to have to tell me when he was ready. I wasn't going to be able to make that decision for him. Well, last week he started having seizures, which were a side effect of the cancer & tick diseases. He has had a couple before, but we were able to get them to stop and subside for months at a time. Well, not this week. They just kept coming. Thursday night he had a total of 6 before the seizure medication kicked in and allowed him to rest and Me & Shannon to breathe for the first time in 3 hours. That is when I knew. Of course I tried to talk myself out of it. Saying that a miracle is possible and Friday morning after he rested, he would be fine. Well, he wasn't. He couldn't even hold his body weight on his feeble legs. I couldn't believe what the day was unveiling to me. How could this be the end? How could 12 1/2 years fly by so quickly? How was I going to be able to do this? Through the sobbing, all I could hear was "Your grace is enough, your grace is enough, your grace is enough for me." At first it was just a prayer from my soul. Knowing, the ONLY way I was going to get through this was to rely on my Savior for strength. So I retreated to my special place, sat down, and filled my heart and mind with his precious word.
After an hour or so, Shannon called and said he was going to be coming home so that we could go together. Almost within minutes, the song (prayer) that I had been hearing in my soul began to play on the Sirus radio station that I leave on my television all day. Another reminder, that He is here and He knows. I spent a lot of time with Him this past weekend. More that I normally do. He kept calling me. I couldn't focus on anything, except Him. And when I wasn't reading or meditating or studying, I felt exhausted. He is truly the breath, the life. So, I was anxious for church on Sunday. However, during praise and worship I just felt so disconnected. As the singing was coming to a close, I just prayed that He would bring me back in. Let me know that He sees me and that He knows. The band started a new song and I opened my eyes and started reading from the teleprompter. The song was familiar. And when the chorus popped onto the screen, I lost it...."Your grace is enough, your grace is enough, your grace is enough for me!" I have never felt so special or in awe of this AWESOME God we serve!!! He is as real as anyone who has entered my life. He knows me like no other and loves me always. He is the only reason I need to carry on. To fulfill His will for my life. He has called each of us to greatness! But the beautiful thing about this calling is, He doesn't expect or even want you to do it alone! He wants you to need and depend on Him! Give Him a chance to put you in a state of awe!
Thank you Father for your love and concern. You are beautiful and I love you.......
Here is our sweet Duke with KK and Prinnie (white schnauzer) last year during McKenna's 5th birthday session. This family won't be the same without you, but we wouldn't trade the memories for anything. We love you, buddah......See you on the rainbow bridge....
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